"....the next time you look out your window and feel full of love for the view, remember that folk like that cannot see what you see...sad, isn't it?"
I poured out my heart to this seventy-six year old friend recently in an unexpected gush of honesty. It was that kind of pouring where even as you are speaking and hearing the words come up and out of you, you feel ashamed hearing them. It is the kind of pouring when you think, "Is it possible that these feelings still exist in the grown-up world?"
But it turns out that it is possible - even in this grown-up world.
There are people roaming about in broad daylight who no matter how hard you try to please them, no matter how you alter your lifestyle to accommodate them, will just never be appeased. They masquerade as friends who love to look upon their success, their superiority, their wisdom, beauty or skill at navigating life flawlessly ... and are perfectly willing to punch you in the gut when you are not looking.
And what do you do with that - when the shame and constant surprise will not be shaken? What do you do when you are repeatedly too naive?
"I don't do crazy"
And that's that.
I've been reasoning myself out of reason for forty-two years - but the answer to the question is really very simple. I don't do crazy. I won't do crazy.
I don't do it.